Being single

In observing relationships around me, as well as my own, I've seen lots of reasons why people decide to go just one more month or year into a bad relationship. They know things are going nowhere. They know they are with the wrong person. They know they want out. But they stay longer. Some stay out of procrastinative laziness. Some stay out of fear. Some stay out of insecurity. And unfortunately, if truth be known, some stay simply for the steady, reliable supply of sex. It may be bad sex or nominal sex, but at least it's in consistent supply.

This is just one more reason why deciding to begin a relationship so dependent on sexual desire or gratification is such a bad idea. I've done it and I'm sure there's some animal part in all of us that is stretching at the reigns inclined to do so whenever we are looking for a mate. We want to be with someone we find 'attractive'. The fact that we are 'attracted' to a specific person usually comes with some reason. Perhaps it is their personality or their outlook on life. And many times it is because we are attracted to them physically. That's all great and normal in the large scheme of things. But when sex or the perception of what sex with that particular person will be like becomes the primary focus for the relationship, it can easily remain the incentive for staying in a bad relationship as well.

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After you have practiced the relaxation and cleansing breaths you may want to move on to the next level. This can be a very difficult exercise, so make sure you don't have anything important scheduled after your meditation. You don't want to have to go to a job interview or a parent-teacher conference after you have started to tackle your ugly 'old' memories. Even though the abuse may have occurred 30 years ago...it is still alive and fresh in your subconscious. Get a handkerchief or two, you will need them. Inform a supporting family member or trusted friend that you may need their support following these exercises.

Practice your relaxation and cleansing breaths. The first thing you want to do is to talk to that little girl or boy that was being abused. Visualize yourself as you were as a child. Notice every detail. You will be standing outside of your child-self. Your adult-self will be talking to your child-self. Sometimes it's easier to visualize yourself on the beach or in the woods (anyplace you feel comfortable) and visualize the child walking slowly up the beach ...toward you. Ask your child-self to explain to you what is going on with her/him. She may say she's been a bad girl, or that she is being hurt...etc. Let her talk! Then tell her that it is not her fault. Tell her that she is a good person and that she is not responsible for the harm done to her. Open your arms and hold her telling her it is ok and that you love her. It may take several rounds of this before you can calm her down. Don't give up. If you feel this is just way too much for you to handle alone, then seek out help!

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Don't try to go through the entire 'list' of everything you wish to change. Pick a few each day. You may want to write them down first so you don't freeze up during meditation time. After you have become practiced, you can try doing these at the desk at work etc. but never while driving...!! You are entering an altered state of consciousness. Feel free to repeat these affirmations as often as you like.

After repeating and breathing a few of these affirmations, we will move on to the actual negative programs or 'old tapes' placed in your subconscious by parents, society, school teachers, other abusers...

For years I was flooded by a wave of guilt every time I climaxed, because I was punished for touching myself as a child. As I dug deeper into my subconscious I found that the excessive 'exploration' as a child was due to me being molested. I carried tremendous guilt and shame with me for many years because of the abuse and subsequent punishment. My life got so bad that I found I could no longer fool myself. I had to confront those memories. I have successfully abolished the shame and guilt I took on as a child. The following techniques worked for me, I affirm they work for you!

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Body Relaxation

Body Relaxation: Close your eyes. Take three to seven slow, deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your parted lips. Starting at your toes, go through your entire body and tell each part as you move upwards to relax. Relax toes and feet, relax calves and legs...move upwards allowing your commands or suggestions to flow up your body like a wave of relaxing energy. Let the tension go completely. Continue breathing deeply as you do so. Try to concentrate on your relaxation and breathing. Let your critical thoughts go. *To become whole healthy and a sexual dynamo then please be patient and continue on with the exercises. Your entire Eros is screaming to free itself!

Cleansing Breaths: Breathe in deeply through your nose and exhale through your parted lips. Breath slowly and evenly. As you inhale, consciously call in peace, relaxation, love, whatever you want to "charge" yourself with. Breath in 'peace' and exhale 'anger'. Imagine all the anger dissipating from your body and mind. Imagine the peace flooding into every aspect of your being. Repeat each particular breath (peace in- anger out) at least three times. Replace the words with other aspects you wish to delete and download. Examples: self love-insecurity, joy-sadness, confidence-fear, worthy of love-unworthiness...I'm sure you have the idea now.

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A love partner is someone who shares my desire to devour life for the romantic adventures

We all want to have ecstatic sex with our beloved. It doesn't really matter how many physical techniques you've mastered if the energy pathways in your electrical body have been blocked by neglect, and/or years of abuse. Our subconscious puts up protection measures and sometimes this ends up getting in the way of the "Flow" needed to reach the highest of highs that we are capable of.

Reprogramming your subconscious is not necessarily a difficult thing to do. If you do consciously remember specific times in your life where you were mistreated and abused then you are "luckier" than if you buried them deeply within your subconscious.. You won't have to "dig" to get to the memories. You can do the reprogramming yourself.

If you "suspect" that something happened in your life (sexual, verbal abuse & subsequent negative programming) but you cannot seem to remember, then seek out a therapist for help in unlocking those old memories. If you remember specifics, you may want to try these simple techniques. They work!

Sex that is deeply enjoyed is freely given and taken, with deep soul- shaking climaxes, and makes each love partner become humble at the remembrance of joys past and expectant of those yet to be discovered and enjoyed. I am attracted to the majesty of sexual union with my love partner and excited by the promise of its lofty secrets.

We share our passion without fear, and with patience, commitment, and trust. This level of emotional sharing generates a limitless flow of sexual energy. I seek not just sensory gratification but Divine union with my lover.

Foreplay is often found in the quietness of loving words.

In an atmosphere of safety and trust, we derive much pleasure from giving a full-body massage and receiving one, never neglecting any part of our bodies. The deliberate, slow motion of massage stirs passion and builds desire. It allows us to tune in to our lovers innermost feelings.

Candlelight, soft music, a glass of wine, fragrant oils, a soft feather, a vibrator or two and more are all a sacred part of this Divine ritual. We use our imagination and enjoy one another. We savor the magic of the moment. Massage is communicating with sensitivity what we find most pleasurable and erotic; it is making love with our fingers.

Pleasures allows a relationship to maximize its potential

A balance of excitement and quiet pleasures allows a relationship to maximize its potential. My love partner and I have a deep need for the gentleness of a passionate kiss, tenderness, caressing, fondling, and touching each other.

We experience touch as an expression of caring, of comforting and of expressing warm affection. Touching enlivens our lives. It nurtures our love relationship. The gift of touch contains within it the miracle of healing and bonding. Touch is a means of connecting emotionally, physically and spiritually. The gentleness of touch communicates, "I love you," and is not always a prelude to passion.

Our physical nakedness reflects our emotional honesty, and our intimate physical embrace denotes our emotional acceptance of each other. Physical intimacy is the goal of our sexual expression. With intimacy comes a deeper level of exposure of one's self, a profound feeling of enrichment of us joining as one and loving acceptance by each other.

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The intimate and trusting atmosphere to sexual pleasure

The intimate and trusting atmosphere we create together allows an occasional flirting with mutually acceptable fantasies, a powerful stimulus to sexual pleasure. Anything goes as long as love prevails: touch, tongue,tickle; silk, satin, lace; the kitchen table, the patio in the moonlight, the hot tub or Bennigans parking lot.

Making love is an open window of discovery, an exciting adventure of each other, allowing exploration of a depth of passion attainable to only the few.

My love partner and I work together to make our love sanctuary more beautiful and comfortable to enliven and make special our intimacy.

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Intimate love partners share playfulness.

Intimate love partners share playfulness. I have a love partner who is playful when we make love. Sexual playfulness is vital for continuing to experience each other as lovers. We both feel free to be ourselves. Ours is a maturing sexual love relationship, and as lovers we discover an even greater source of sexual excitement by revealing our emotional selves and communicating heart-to-heart in our sexual play.

In the passion of making love, my playmate and I communicate a profundity of love that words cannot carry. Being together in this fully present and intimate way opens the channel of communication to allow for full disclosure of emotions and the expression of our innermost desires.

We never allow our lovemaking to be a routine act of fulfilling desire. To do so would invite boredom. Intimate love is an adventure of shared warmth and spontaneity. We have spontaneity in our lovemaking, knowing that spontaneity between lovers must always be balanced with kindness, care, and respect for each other.

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When we make love, we are much greater than the sum of our parts.

When we make love, we are much greater than the sum of our parts. It is spiritual as well as physical. We never forget the spiritual source of our love. Making love is a Divine idea. We never allow making love to become the supreme expression of the absence of God in our lives. My love partner is the consummate lover. She openly discloses her sexuality, free of inhibitions. I also invite my love partner to know me intimately. Making love with one another elevates us to a level of satisfaction for which there are no words. The highest form of pleasure comes when you give yourself fully with love, creating a mystical ecstasy that allows both love partners to be lost in time and space, if only for a few brief moments. Browse online personal ads here

Sooner or later the question of actually meeting in person will come up and whilst many people would say it's better to take your time and let the online relationship develop, I strongly believe that the sooner you do it, the better. If you leave it too long, then the impression you have built up of this person will be so deep rooted that your expectations will be far too high and you will be set for disappointment. The other point is if you have been a lot more confident chatting than you would be in real life, how are you going to be able to keep up that persona? You may end up competing with yourself. So assuming that you are both happy with the length of time the romance has been going on for and you decide to meet, what will it be like? It will be quite strange to begin with. You may find that although you have been up most nights until 5 in the morning chatting, you find it hard to talk about things in the flesh. This is perfectly natural as the two of you are having to almost re-learn the parameters of the relationship and digest the visual cues that our mannerisms and facial expressions provide. It will be a nerve racking time as we have to decide there and then if these mannerisms and even physical odours are compatible with us. If you can pass that first test, then things get a lot easier. Do however be very careful if you are traveling abroad to meet someone because if things fail at this first hurdle, then you are totally stuck on your own in a foreign country. Discuss this topic here.

More and more people these days are finding love online be it due to time constraints, unsociable working hours or simply the death of the community, but one thing is for sure, this is the fastest growing way to meet potential partners, however it has it's pitfalls. Whilst online dating agencies may offer a quick way to meeting these partners, Instant Messaging using programs such as ICQ, MSN, or Odigo offer a lightning speed way of getting very intimate, very quickly. It is so quick because you can be just who you want to be when you are chatting online, no one will see you blush if you say something wrong and most importantly, it allows you to take risks that you would never dream of taking in the real world. The most powerful aspect of this all though is that we paint our own picture in our minds of what the other person is without all those non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and mannerisms that subconsciously in the real world tell us valuable things about the person. In short, with our own beautifully created perception of the person, fall for them. So why do we as intelligent human beings end up falling for people we have never even met before? The answer is simple…we want to be in love, we so want to tell ourselves that the searching for our soul mate is over and with that we picture our lives in a blissful sea of coupledom, sharing our lives together. Sadly it is this haste to end our single lives that can lead to disappointment as quickly as it started. More information on online personals for singles.

I often say that the sooner you can reach the anger stage, the better as when you are here, you can see light at the end of the tunnel. If you feel betrayed and used by your ex, then by all means feel anger for them as you can use this anger constructively to counter negative thoughts. During this stage, you finally can allow yourself to focus on the negative aspects of the relationship without the fear of being disloyal. It may be that you were unable to do certain things in your relationship because your partner disapproved. Well now is the time to start doing those things again. This whole process is part of the re-integration of yourself as little by little your life starts to redevelop and the birth of a new, stronger you emerges. Acceptance The final stage of the grieving process is acceptance. You can finally tell yourself that it is over and it really was the best thing. You recognize the shortcomings in the relationship and the obvious incompatibilities. You are finally able to think about your ex without all the pain and emotion that you had previously. You can reflect on what you have been through and almost feel grateful for the journey of self discovery you have had. The things you have learnt about yourself and your behaviour in relationships have been invaluable and you are now ready to take this forward in to a new, more stable and functional relationship. Visit this site for more topics.

Of paramount importance, one must realise when it is time to finally admit that it is over and your partner really isn't coming back. It is known as the denial stage and it's only when we accept our predicament can we start to deal with it an eventually recover from it. In any form of emotional pain, we will do anything to take it away, even if it is for a second, by driving past their workplace just to get a glimpse of their car outside. It is natural for us to want to do this to almost reassure ourselves that the person is still somehow part of our lives. Unfortunately, this behaviour is the one thing that will prevent us from moving on in our lives, even if it does relieve the pain, it stops us accepting the reality of what has happened. Only when we have accepted the truth, can we follow the natural stages of grief. Take a look at more dating resources here.

Married people often think the grass is greener on the other side

Married people often think the grass is greener on the other side. People in bad relationships dream of the freedom of being single. I have been told many times that I don't know how lucky I am to be single. The next time someone says that to me, I will go over and stick my finger in their eye and remind myself indeed how lucky I am that I decided to do that..all by myself. Read more dating related articles here.

When vacations and national holidays and Christmas or Thanksgiving come along, then we are reminded heavily just what being single feels like. On Valentine's day we are also reminded that we are yet again this year solitary creatures. However this year will be different. We feel it. We have our sights set one on or two potentials and who knows where things may lead. Who knows, by Christmas we could be engaged. Find out more about online dating here.

Being single means living with a sense of frustration that little else can match.

Being single means living with a sense of frustration that little else can match. We don't have the answers as to why we are alone. We even ask 'why me?' This isn't how we have envisaged our lives, this isn't how we saw our future. So why has it happened? What went wrong. Where did we go wrong? Where are all the nice guys and girls. Maybe they have all been snapped up. Maybe there simply aren't any and we are fooling ourselves. Then we remind ourselves of the few examples of great friends in great relationships and this provides us with the temporary proof we need. And then we begin to question ourselves further. We may even question our own judgment, wondered if we have missed our best opportunity to be in a good relationship. Maybe we are simply too choosey? Maybe it really is all our fault. But of course it isn't.

Being single means living with a sense of frustration that little else can match. We don't have the answers as to why we are alone. We even ask 'why me?' This isn't how we have envisaged our lives, this isn't how we saw our future. So why has it happened? What went wrong. Where did we go wrong? Where are all the nice guys and girls. Maybe they have all been snapped up. Maybe there simply aren't any and we are fooling ourselves. Then we remind ourselves of the few examples of great friends in great relationships and this provides us with the temporary proof we need. And then we begin to question ourselves further. We may even question our own judgment, wondered if we have missed our best opportunity to be in a good relationship. Maybe we are simply too choosey? Maybe it really is all our fault. But of course it isn't.

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By dating we keep our hopes alive. We realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And whilst the most recent suitor may not have been the one for us, at least we are heading in the right direction. And that's how many of us cope with being single. We do everything we can to keep our hopes alive. We convince ourselves that being single is by choice and that we are just waiting to meet the right one. And that's true, that's exactly what we are doing. But the 'what if' whispers away. Our body clocks may tick louder, our hair may thin, but we KNOW we will get there in the end. We hope.

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We hate it because we don't get to share. We don't get to make happen the sharp image in our head of the perfect relationship we know is possible with the right partner. We have a never ending well of 'giving' that so far has been ignored. We want to give and we want to please. We wish to love and we want that opportunity. We are ready and willing but we are not allowed. Its almost like being in an isolation cell in prison. Being single heightens our sense of the need to give and it heightens the sense of frustration accordingly.

Optimism comes from the general knowledge that most of us will meet someone, we will find Mr. or Miss Right soon enough. But as we get older, we start to worry, even start to silently panic. If we are to meet our perfect match it has to happen before we are too old. We would like it to happen whilst we are still young enough. And as anyone in their 30's appreciates, as we get older , so time speeds up. In our twenties, time seemed endless. But as the wrinkles in the corner of our eyes demonstrates, one day we wake up and we are older, much older. And we are still single.